Will Shinning India Able To Change Mindset of Patriarchy?

The sensational incident where an obsessive lover studying at the Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) drank poison and slashed a girl is a proof of patriarchy society on Wednesday (31^st August 2013).This is a shocking incident and the whole India is stunned. It shows the patriarchy that still exists in our society.

Most Young men apparently can't digest the fact that they have been rejected by their lovers. The JNU case just proofed it. It is not that these people are not educated, but the problem is about the perception of some people and what they think about women. Why these educated students do such embarrassing act. These people cannot control their anger whatever be the reason.....They are becoming monsters while doing such crimes.

Take for example the recent outrage about the Delhi gang-rape  while it is true everyone was horrified by the crime and are demanding a change which is very difficult to implement. In a system based on patriarchy, not only the social system is male dominated and the government is male dominated as well. The practical impact of a patriarchal system is that women are frequently considered second-class citizens and often exploited. In a patriarchy, women are often not allowed to hold positions of power.

We right from the birth teach girls to be afraid of men; we need to change this mindset first. Men should be taught that women who dress in a western manner do not actually do it as a way of attracting men but dress that way because they are comfortable in the clothes. Men should be taught that women are of equal value and importance and if given a chance, they can prove it. It might be difficult to change the mindset of older generation since they have been brought up that way, but it still can be done. However we can take up the challenge to change the mindset of next upcoming generation from their birth.

SELFISHNESS

Are we humans instinctively co-operative or are we naturally selfish? This thought is creeping in my mind since long now. I think may be from my childhood. The exact meaning of “Selfishness” is concern with one’s own interests. This does not include a moral evaluation. It does not tell us whether the concern with one’s own interests is good or evil. That is for the individual to decide, whether his decision affects other people.

                                 Our seniors use to say”Progress in your life.  Wherever you go, try to reach at the top”. Isn’t that selfishness? People always want to know your secret to success. If you don’t disclose your secret, people around tag you as a selfish person. I don’t think that is selfishness of you. It is your way of preserving your source. That is “Self-preservation”, not “Selfishness”. Personally I believe that it is ok to strive for your own success, but you have to make sure that you don’t step on other’s foot.

                                 One more thought come to my mind. I always heard this from one of my closed ones that if she had known earlier that her son will go far away to settle in life, she would not allow him to go for higher studies, so that he will stay with her always. So here, who is selfish the mother or the son? I know it’s the mother’s love for her son, but isn’t it ok for him to fulfill his dreams, to become successful and to enjoy his life. Does that mean he is selfish? I think if you are not taking care of your responsibility, then you are selfish. But if you are happy and that does not affect people around you, then it’s not selfishness. Recently I watched one movie ”Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani”. For people it is just an entertainment movie. After watching this movie I am sure no one especially our parents ever thought for a single second, what the film try to teach. In the movie father allowed his son to live his life in his own terms which he never be able to do in his own life. The problem is that society has misinterpreted selfishness as being “Greediness”. Selfishness is unavoidable, but it does not imply greed. It simply means looking for your own self-interest. It is a request to all the parents to change their mindset. They should broaden their thoughts and allow their children to live their life on their own terms.

                                          I believe that if you are happy from inside, then only you can be able to make happy others. Being happy is not selfishness, its necessity.

!!! Live the Life Fullest!!!

I Lost My First Love

A best friend; someone is trustworthy, someone you can tell deep secrets, someone who will always stick with you no matter what you have said or done. Someone who can give you the best hugs in this world! His/her shoulder to cry on, because you know that he truly care about you. And I am no different; I too had a best friend…….My First Love!!!

                      He always encouraged me to reach my full potential. He always told me to try harder and never give up. He listened to me very patiently. I could talk to him about almost anything including my boyfriend. It’s only because of him, now I can spend my life happily with my dream man.

                      He was tall, handsome and intelligent. I always wanted see him wearing a suit. I wished to gift him a suit in my marriage, but that didn't happen because of his illness. So I decided to gift him on next special occasion. But that day never come in my life.

                      Never in my worst mare, I thought I could have seen him in this way. This was first time in my life, I was standing in ICU.My best friend was in front of me and his body revealed what he had gone through the accident. He was covered with white bed sheet and his face had so much injuries. His right chest had a fracture. A feeding pipe ran down his nose and multiple injection tubes piercing different parts of his body. He was surrounded with by a ventilator, heart beat monitor and a oxygen cylinders. I was restless. I couldn't able to stand there and can’t able to control myself and started crying seeing him. One can’t imagine how much pain he was bearing all alone. He was totally unconscious.

                       Next three days passed in prayers, hope and anxiety. On 5^th day he opened his eyes and stared at me. I heard those words through his eyes: “I am so happy to see u….I am gonna all right…nothing will happen to me”. Apollo hospital, Bhubaneswar doctor tried his best to make him well. But his health is getting worse day by day. He again fell unconscious. The anxiety and fear were back in me. Time stood still. Seconds, minutes and hours passed like days. With each passing day, his health is going down. Constantly being on ventilator, his lungs were filled with water and blood. There was internal bleeding also for which he had to take 2-3 units blood daily. After ten days on loosing patience, I asked doctor to take second opinion. The mental burden was too much. There was no good news, only bad news. I was hopeless, helpless and frustrated. Then doctor told to take 2^nd opinion.

                    Moving a serious patient from an ICU was the toughest part. But there was no other option. I had made up my mind. One cannot imagine shifting a patient from one hospital to another there are lot of paper works and that is most important for them more than a serious patient’s life. Every single moment was precious. It was the first time I had been in an ambulance. Standing on the road, watching ambulance is very easy. But seating inside an ambulance was enough to scare you. It was making more scaring with the sound of siren. Within half an hour, he was immediately admitted to ICU, Kalinga hospital.

                    Almost two days had gone. The doctor told he is trying his best. I was waiting to hear some good news. But something strange happened that night. Something which I couldn't believe at first. While I was sleeping, I feel he was sitting beside me. He was smiling and he put his hand on my cheek. And that moment I was speechless. He was looking as usual handsome as earlier.

He asked me”How are you my dear?” But I was shocked and unable to speak anything.

He again said” I came here for you…I was and I will always there for you. I can never away from you”.

I was so happy and I hugged him tightly. After few minutes, he said “promise me you will take care of yourself always”. I could see his love for me through his eyes.

He again said “promise me to take care of yourself and your brother….take care of your mother always…you will never break your promise to me”.

I couldn't understand and asked “why, what happened…why are you saying like this?”

He closed his eyes and said” Let me go peacefully….I will be there with you always”. For few seconds I couldn't able to know what happened in the darkness. Suddenly, my cell started ringing.

It was 6 am morning. Mom was calling. I picked up the phone and said “Hello?”But I didn't get any response from her, but I could hear her breath.

She only said with heavily voice” Dad?” Immediately I rushed to the hospital. In ICU, I was shocked and froze. I didn't remember and recall anything else. I only heard the voice of the doctor telling to my brother” he took his last breath early hours of the dawn. After the formalities we will hand over you the body”.

I was not able to cry. I lost my control and screamed at the doctor “God damn, it’s not body. He is my father”.

                   Yes he is my father, my best friend, my first love of life whom I want to gift a suit to wear. Because of his illness he didn't able to wear a suit, not even able to enjoy my marriage. I thought I will make everything so that he will have full fun at my brother’s marriage. But fate has something else. I will never ever see him again as a person in my life, because he is no more. I cannot tell you how much it hurts to live without the person who means a lot to you more than anything in this world.